Pyrrhic Victories: A History of the War of Weeds
Shortly after Batholith’s first war with Campara drew to a close, the kingdom’s newfound identity as empire slayers fed the inkling of conquest.
It was at that time that Sir Balkath of Redknoll was elected to the ranks of the Centerknoll Order for Heroism in the First Batho-Camparan War. Balkath was the hero of the Waomatuan front, accustomed to commanding his dragon riders in “low level hell” conditions. Noticing the excitement brought on by the prospect of expansion among his fellow elites, ideas began to stir beneath his helm.
Glasswater, a mineral and herb rich nation of bogs, marshes, and swamps, sits on the western border of Batholith. Ruled by the Swamp Lairds of the four countries, the halflings (“Felkyo” in their own tongue) of Glasswater stood as a perfect target for the proud Batholithian knights. Rich also in mosses that could advance the capabilities of the Batholithian court wizards, Glasswater had little in the way of an argument against foreign invasion. While the Felkyo are renowned for their cunning, lithe musculature, and brutality in single combat, they conjured little fear in the minds of the Batholithian knights.
Sir Balkath was quick to petition his peers in the capital, raising the “Glasswater Question” tirelessly. His prime adversary at court was Sir Taldrik of Blueknoll, only recently promoted to the Centerknoll Order. Ancient rivalries between Blueknoll and Redknoll, the knights’ respective home villages, were on full display. The court became divided in a deadlock on the question for the better part of the year.
The tie was broken by King Starbran the Alvesbane in favor of annexation. There are those fringe historians who believe the Batholithian royal dynasties to be populated by dragons in human guise. For these theorists, Starbran is said to have been spurred on by the prospect of doing what his draconic brethren could not – annihilate the halflings of Glasswater. For traditional historians, Starbran was dazzled by the prospect of expansion, yet another twist of the dagger in his elven adversaries. The empire of elves (or “alves” in most Mytyrran languages) had been continually thwarted in colonial attempts. If Batholith could boast a homesteader’s frontier spanning the southern coast, their reach would be self-evident compared to that of their foes.
Sir Balkath was given a host of mixed military, some 34 Centerknoll knights, 29 Redknoll knights, and an assorted 5,000 corpsmen. Notably, not one dragon was afforded to the campaign’s premier. On the eve of deployment, a lone Bog dragon was seen visiting King Starbran. Her name was Priderot, a young dragon sent by the loose council of elders that presided over Glasswater. These elders had divined the intents of the knightly army not only by means of magic, but by the shifting of Batholithian resources on the border. To the dragons of Glasswater, the land was a self-replenishing dish of delectable prey. Their daily meals were the product of biodynamic culling, a careful system of preservation and devastation. If the rumored annexation were to take place, these dragons would see their conserved ecosystem ruptured.
Priderot, in council with King Starbran, made it clear that the elders would allow the invasion to take place for now on the grounds that no dragons were deployed. After a lengthy night of debate, Starbran agreed to the terms.
Laird Morner Increese, leader of the Pyllus nation of Glasswater, was an expert at reading dragonflight. The provisional militia of Pyllus was roused early on the morning after Priderot was spotted heading back to Glasswater. Her trajectory put her as returning from the Batholithian capital of Centerknoll. Laird Increese was quick to put the pieces together. Sunrise, and a paltry 280 felkyo were armed and transported via land-sailing mud ships down to Andrasta Dale. From their hilltop camp, these Felkyo watched the sun set on a tented field as cast as the sky. The Batholithians were everywhere. A young Cheeri Broadgrass, who would one day becom Laird of Pyllus, records the events of the morning in his journal as such:
“Of all the stories told to us as wee’uns about the hosts of men, the empires of alves, and the Fomorian glens, none come close to justifying the number of knights in that mud.”
It was certain death for the felkyo, and a calm before the storm for the Batholithian forces. Among them was Sir Taldrik, who stayed the hands of his subordinate corpsmen for as long as he could. The views he’d displayed at court were unchanged. Earlier that day, King Starbran had made his conversation with Priderot known to the Centerknoll Order knights. Taldrik saw the possibility of the invasion’s collapse, hoping above all else to keep his men out of a bloody incident. After two days of locking horns with Sir Balkath, the order to mobilize was given. In those two days, ~1,000 felkyo were sent from Pieth country over the water to assist in the impending defense.
Dusk fell on the third day, and Laird Increese arrived on his mount. He was an adult Ivy dragon called Decayer, famed for aeronautic exploits in the annual tournaments held between the Swamp Lairds. Laird Increese had raised Decayer from childhood after finding his nest wrecked and his parents slaughtered by rival dragons. Decayer had no love for dragonkind, and even less for the elders of Glasswater. Had it not been for his master’s bidding, the dragon would have laid siege to their stronghold in Elder Mount himself.
As the dragon alighted atop the hills, Balkath was engaged in a game of Five Knoll Farce with his men. Taldrik had been left alone on the front, and it was his horn that blew the alarm all too late. The slopes had begun to move.
It was a stroke of luck for both sides. The felkyo’s dusk attack couldn’t have been expected less. The Batholithians were experiencing a turn of fortune that would never again grace their ranks: stable ground on which to make a stand. The Battle of Andrasta Dale claimed the lives of 480 felkyo, bleeding alongside the ~890 dead Batholithians. 9 Knights had been slaughtered, 2 of which in the jaws of Laird Increese’s mount. The Batholithian forces were quick to don armor, but the felkyo druids turned the very ground against the invaders. Many died neck-deep in the mud, forming a sprawling garden of blooming corpses. The “corpse flower” became a morale-building symbol of felkyo resistance for the remainder of the war.
So began the War of Weeds, and so ended the victories of Balkath’s horde. The eastern countries of Pyllus and Pieth were forced to rally moss-farmers and bog distillers to arms. Their western cousins of Dikranum and Tamarusk were slow to acknowledge the true threat made by King Starbran. Dikranum Enclave’s exceptionalism is still balked at today.
Meanwhile, Balkath and Taldrik marched west. They covered less and less ground with each passing day. The truce offered by Priderot had been a lie; the dragons of Glasswater had already begun to hunt the knights for sport. The nations of the felkyo had struck a terrible blow in that first charge, and now the Batholithians were much too far from their border to be reinforced.
The cut-off of the Batholithians led to the brutal 6-day siege of their camp outside of Dripweak. It was here that Balkath and Taldrik swept through the wild melees against the felkyo rangers and pikemen. The scene is captured in the bardic poem of Balkathmalr, a staple in every court skald’s repertoire.
“Swimming across the shield-sea, drowning under the blade-waves, the fiery nobles fought their last day beside one another. / Coats of mail dyed in the raven’s feathers, plastered with moss and muck, the mere’s blood livery shone bright. / Balkath, Hero of Fort Dagur, Blindscale’s Killer, the Pride of Redknoll, assailed the screaming horde. / Taldrik, Champion of the Tide Clouds, ninth of his name, the Armored Sage of Blueknoll, protected the fallen as they were healed.”
Victory seemed in sight. More and more wounded felkyo were limping back to their trenches or succumbing to their wounds. As a single arrow streaked across the sky, the battle simmered into silence. Balkathmalr depicts the episode as such,
“The black-fletched talon flew towards its mark. No god could stop its flight. The death-price and mourner’s toll would find its debtor. / Taldrik’s shield bore the brunt of a pikeman’s plunge, but his back was left woefully clear. / His helmet rang, the arrow sang, and Balkath’s comrade was no more. / The Pride of Redknoll shouldered his fallen friend, his blade determined to even the score.”
The Helm of Taldrik is tattooed on the arms of many a knight, worn on pauldrons, and scratched into the stones of war camps. The real helm rests in Centerknoll, on a podium beside the throne of Batholith. It is polished daily by a dragon-priest.
Credit for the killing of Sir Taldrik was awarded to Peith Enclave, shaking Glasswater’s glory structure for generations. Sir Balkath survived, carrying himself, his fallen friend, and another soldier who died of his wounds. Heaviest of his burdens was his guilt. Balkath was one of 43 survivors of the Batholithain forces at the Battle of Dripweak.
When Balkath fell back, he found 2,000 new troops awaiting orders. He was a changed man. He’d come to love Taldrik like a brother. With the arrow-pierced helm under his arm, he ordered retreat.
The dragons were waiting. Knowing the felkyo had done the impossibly by breaking down the knights over the course of “the great bog-hopping,” the dragons were desperate. Delectable and exotic prey was leaving reach, and the elders wished to taste human flesh one last time. The resulting cull occurred at Moheul Marsh, catching the 2,038 survivors after a 30 mile march. It was there that Balkath caught the talon of Fogback, an elder moss dragon, through his breastplate. Before his legs gave out, Balkath saved ~85 men from the swooping devourers.
Balkath slew Fogback in a brutal strike to the jaw. His sword shattered, but not before it pierced the scheming brain of the old wyrm. This desperate kill-stroke is now famous for its depiction in children’s plays, illustrated manuscripts, and the lines of a poem already quoted. Beside Balkath was Sir Kulnokt of Nightknoll, rumored to have killed 6 elders on that day. Officially, the tally stands at 4. No less famous is Sir Stulk of Blueknoll, whose sword famously carved “Taldrik’s Wrath” into the rotting body of an elder ivy dragon. That dragon was Quellmock, the elder that had raised Priderot from infancy and ordered her famous warning to King Starbran. Though these heroes ring loud in the annals, the event is known as “The Feast of Moheul.”
392 men reach Fort Arur, just beyond Wee Lith. Another 46 died of their wounds. Among them was Sir Balkath. Handing Taldrik’s helm to a young squire, [Sir] Inkuell of Whiteknoll, Balkath spoke his history-shaking last words:
“Tell them, boy, neither god nor man,
with blades of gold or helms of brass,
with will of stone and silver can,
Tame the boiling Waters of Glass.”
King Starbran’s attempts to extract reparations from the elders of Glasswater were shrot lived. Most of the inner circle that had dwelled in Elder Mount had been killed, maimed, or encouraged to hermithood by the Feast of Moheul. The felkyo still celebrate their victory over Batholith, but celebrations are always halted by a voice or two. An old druid, scarred by the fine-steel of a long-dead knight, will tap his smoking pipe against the table. In a faint voice he’ll remind his kin, too young to remember the battles themselves, that the War of Weeds was ended not because of halfling bravery, but the cruelty of the land and the dragons who rule it.
